Like everything in the spoken and written language or word after some time and usage a phrase or word becomes either null and void or takes on a meaning and interpretation far bigger than the original intention.

For me it has been my observation to experience this with what is referred to as, “gentle parenting”.

When the phrase first came into my lexicon as a new mom during my early matrescence it had such a resonance to it. It was all so simple and clear.

Since then it has shifted and devolved and become so much more complex. There is “gentle parenting” which is not “permissive parenting” and there is “gentle parenting” which includes yelling and there is “gentle parenting” which is passive and there is “gentle parenting” which has the meaning I originally took it to mean and so on continuing on for infinity.

It is one reason why speaking multiple languages is really important and good for a person’s spirit. One language, especially English, can be quite limiting.

so gentle parenting early on to me meant the kind of gentle and kind responses with a child that we all as human beings need and deserve.

It is a way of being with your child that encourages love and patience and kindness, a way of compassion and mutual respect.

Although I love this method of parenting, I have since been strongly reminded that it and in fact we do not exist in a vacuum.

In fact, we live within systems and human governed laws and social mores which are the reason something like, “gentle parenting” exists in our lexicon in the first place.

To me ultimately this style of parenting is one which primarily relies on responses and not reactions. A way of being that fosters a child’s confidence and is encouraging to an entire community.

There is a loss and sorrow in this path. I have spoken and written about it often, but traditional African and indigenous family values place a system of family, community, planet, as a holistic living energy. Something which in my experience values children quite highly.

IN my experience as a mom so much of the re-styling of these energetic practices has been bundled and made primarily inaccessible by way of financial means.

For instance, like many dreamy moms, I studied what kind of school system I would like my child to be invested in and Montessori was of course at the top of my list!

It soon became clear, however, that Montessori schooling is (with all due respect!) the repackaged parenting of indigenous cultures, made modern by it’s capitalistic barriers and it’s schoolroom settings.

Of course there should be tools and tables which are for children to use, and of course children can cook and speak.

This has been brought home in a strong way every time I am shown videos of young children in Asia – in china cooking a meal on a wok, in Japan on that show where two year olds walk into the grocery store two miles from home and do the family shopping, et cetera.

It has to be said (since capitalism will exploit anything) that I am not referring to Child Labor or Exploitation! I am not speaking of the American way of having children in clothing factories or in mines or in fact in supporting the kidnapping and enslavement of children in mines or chocolate farms in Congo or Ivory Coast to make Christmas special Black Friday iPhone updated sales seasons.

No. I am speaking of recognizing the light and sovereignty in children and allowing them space to shine, grow, and be and understand their roles in a healthy society.

The issue then lies in the fact that we actually do not live currently in what I would call a healthy society.

And so the work can be arduous.

Rewarding and fulfilling and the work of generations but still very much work.

So if I say nothing if my two year old throws a toy in rage – so as not to reward his rage but to allow him space to feel his feelings, to hold space, to talk about it later, and to wait for him to remain a state of calm – this process is – I find – constantly interrupted by outsiders watching, complaining, interfering and suggesting that I am “lazy parenting” and stepping in to chastise my child.

Not only does this undermine the *entire* process of what I’m doing but it also shows my son that I must be an idiot and someone else must know something I don’t. In this instance in fact, the louder person ‘wins’.

It’s been very taxing teaching my son in this manner when all other manner of folk feel invested in correcting what they perceive as my infarctions. Additionally, I have found that children are inherently triggering in a non-child focused, money making, capitalistic colonial society. Children are often viewed as some kind of inconvenience. This is very strange to me but also incredibly sad!

Children are, in fact, our future, ands should be honored as such.

And so the work of unlearning, relearning, recorrecting and adjusting continues on this path of, ‘gentle parenting’.

I learn as my child learns and at the end of the day we begin and end with love, with respect, and with communication. Verbal and otherwise.

This is very meaningful.

if you like my work please like the post! peace xoxo